Husbands and lovers, Lord love ‘em all

My godfather and I were at a truck stop in Barstow Ca and he was looking for someone to take me north since he was going south and couldn’t take the time off dropping his load to take me the 200 miles north.  I saw him talking to a big bear of a man with a wild beard but such a great smile and beautiful hazel eyes. He had a kind of troubled look on his face like he was thinking real hard about what my gf was saying to him was on the up and up. While my gf was talking to him, I still hadn’t learned what he was going to do, so I just assumed they were having a regular truck driving conversation. When my gf came back to the truck to tell me what was going on, and to ask if I would be okay with it, he told me the other guy thought I was a 12 yr old boy. Ok, I’ll give him that one. No make up on, hair in a ponytail, I can see it. GF said he’d gotten all the guys information and he was sure I’d be safe. He had his DL, truck company phone number, a picture of him, truck and trailer numbers, he thought he’d covered all the bases. So, we took my 3 packed bags out of one truck and moved them into another.

I had brought a quarter ounce pot with me and hadn’t smoked any on the road in those first 3 days, too much time spent trying to get rid of the toothache. I was filling better, so when I got in this guys truck and we introduced ourselves and had gotten on the road I asked him if he smoked. He did, but didn’t have any. I pulled the baggie out and proceeded to roll a fine joint and we got better acquainted. He was really a nice man, and I told him he needed to spend the night at my girlfriends and we would cook him a home cooked meal and he could get cleaned up and sleep in a real bed. Not that the truck didn’t have a bed, man, I’ve had apartments that weren’t as big and nice as the sleeper on that truck! But the plans were made and the more we relaxed, the more I got to like him and all of a sudden told him I thought he would really like my girlfriend and she would really like him, he was just her type. His type being sweet and smart and funny and a big ole teddy bear.  That’s not the way it turned out.

We made it to our destination and got things unloaded, introductions made, and plans for dinner and sleep over agreed on. Every thing went just the way we planned except for them hitting it off in a romantic way. Oh, they were really close friends fast, but I found out why they didn’t hit romantically the next day when he left. At the first opportunity I told my girlfriend I had talked her up to him and I thought he might be interested in her. She threw cold water in my face and told me no way, it was as plain as the nose on my face he was crazy about me!!  I didn’t see it, but then I was mad at men at the time and just wasn’t open.

The next morning after he dropped off his load, he called to ask if he had left his shaving kit there. He had but I hadn’t seen it yet, but found it, and he was going to drop by the next day and get it. He wound up spending 3 days with us and we had nice dinners,  some board games and tv, and talk, talk, talk.  I had totally forgotten about my birthday, but my girlfriend didn’t, and on that day, he brought me flowers and a bottle of Jack Daniels.  We had not slept together during this time, he had slept on the couch and I was sleeping in my girlfriends daughters room.  He left after 4 days and I got falling down drunk.  He called me every 30 minutes because he couldn’t get me out of his mind, and I was wishing I had gone on the road with him. I got so drunk I passed out on the phone with him while I was barfing in the bathroom, and instead of hanging up, he held on to the phone and made sure I was okay. Every once in a while he would come through, I could hear him asking if I was okay, and I would answer, and he just kept holding on.  We were on the phone all night like that.

Truck drivers are nothing new in my life as my father drove off and on and at least one uncle and one brother were drivers. Not counting my godfather that had started all this to begin with. It took him a month to get a load coming back to our area and when he did, I left with him. We spent 2 years on the road together going to every state in the union. We saw things I probably wouldn’t have seen, and he took time off to see those things because I was there.

But, the man I thought was single, turned out, you guessed it, married. I found that out the day we were in his sisters town in Texas and she asked how BJ was. I’d not heard that name before, so of course my ears perked up. When I asked, he gave me a shhh,  and that look that said later, so I waited till later. Come to find out, she was his wife, whom he was still married to, and had stopped living with. I heard a bunch of wild stories about her from his sister after that. But this is not about her, it’s about me.   I really didn’t let that bother me too much since we had been together 6 months by this time and she was living somewhere he didn’t even know about until his sister told him.  She had apparently sold their house, had a garage sale and sold every thing that belonged to him and disappeared.  She had already filed for divorce so she was non there to me.

Some time you should pay attention to the little things that can go wrong and little signs that you just don’t think too much off, no matter how surprised you are by them.

We had been on the truck about 2 years and I was driving one night. Now, you know men like womens’ undies in one form or another.  We were on the road, I was driving and he had gone to the sleeper to grab a nap. He hadn’t been back there long, so I figured I could talk to him for a minute, so I raised the flap between front and back and glanced back. He was laying on the bed, jacking off with a pair of my panties wrapped around his dick. Ok, a little sexy and a little weird.  I just dropped the flap and let him finish what he was doing.  Another one of those little signs you should sometime pay attention to.

He wanted to retire, so we did, and sold our truck and went visiting for a while. We spent a month with my family, getting married while there,  then got a phone call one day while at a sisters house. His mother had been attacked and raped and sodomized while at work. She tended bar at a small neighborhood bar only 4 doors from her apartment. She was 60 something at the time, and this 30 yr old asshole beat her, raped her and left her for dead, but she made it. We immediately left for his home town and wound up staying there. I took care of his mother when she came home from the hospital and then I went to work. He’d already gotten a job with a trucking company as a dispatcher. I went to work as an office manager for a motorcycle parts store. Things were going pretty good, and we were ready to buy a house.

I have to stop here and make a point of something. In all of my relationships, of which I’ve had a few, have I ever had a reason to complain about the sexual part of it. I love sex, always have, and even menopause hasn’t stopped that. I know what I like and if after sleeping with someone once and they don’t fit me, I don’t do it again. Sometimes, there have been one or two I wasn’t sure enough of and would go the second time, but if it didn’t pass muster that time, it was so long, good buy, adios.

So, that being said, there was nothing I could complain about with our love making. We enjoyed it and done it often.  neither of us were prudes, so we tried different things. One thing we never did together was cross dress. He did that alone.

We bought a house and moved into a little suburb and life was good. I was beginning to get upset with him because of his lack of affection, and not showing affection. I would go out and spend my entire paycheck on the best of clothes for him while shopping at goodwill for myself. Granted, he didn’t ask for it, but he was working in an office with other people while I was stuck in the back of a big warehouse and seldom saw anyone while I was at work. It had always irritated me that he would never acknowledge my birthday, never bought me anything for Christmas or even notice our anniversary.   This started to gnaw at me more and more and the years passed.  I finally made my thoughts on this a little more clear by leaving out pictures of things I might want, but wouldn’t buy for myself, jewelry, clothes, some little something that acknowledge me as someone he cared about. I never doubted he loved me, but I had to have that little bit of sign to prove it even more.  It never got through to him.

A couple of months after we bought our house, I decided I wanted to find a job closer to home so I wouldn’t have to do the rush hour traffic thing. A 10 mile trip would take me 45 minutes to get home and I am not a patient person. So I started watching the paper. I happen to pick up a little rag that didn’t have a big distribution area, and on a Sunday night at that. There was an ad for a civil position with the Police department for the small little area we lived in. The cut off date for the ad was on Tuesday so I went in Monday and put in my application. I got a call on Tuesday to come in and see the City Council on Tues night for interviews. On Wednesday I got the call I’d been hired.  When I had gone in for the meeting, there was a man sitting with the city secretary wearing a white shirt, and was some kind of cop. I didn’t think too much about him, but found out on Wed. he was my boss.  I started to work for him on July5, and by August we were lovers.

We started out my first training day by riding the city and doing some errands that I would eventually do alone. I liked this country boy right off the bat and found out that by round about routes we were somewhat related. He was married to a cousin of mine at one time. He had a southern accent, a boy from Alabama in the frozen north. He was tall and partially bald, and smart and funny.  He was my soul mate and the love of my life. My relationship with him would last 13 years.

Anyway, back to the husband.  I was working at the PD and had gotten a migraine headache. The boss sent me home and told me to put an ice pack on it and call him when I got to feeling better. I walked in the house and the hall closet was standing open and there was a door that opened into the attic. I had never known it was there. I also didn’t expect there to be anyone in the house since my husband was supposed to be at work. His car wasn’t there and I didn’t notice anything unusual about any of the other cars on the street.  I kicked my shoes off after closing the closet door,  made an ice pack with a baggie and headed back to the bedroom to get out of my clothes and stretch out on the bed. Soon as I opened the door I knew that was not going to happen.

There on our bed, was my husband, dressed in a black negligee, a long, curly blond wig on, two inch false nails, full make up, black stockings held up with a garter belt, and high heels.  His partner in bed wasn’t anyone I knew, but it wasn’t female. I would never have thought my great big old bear of a husband would want to sleep with men, much less be a cross-dresser. Should I have seen it coming? Was the thing with my panties a sign? Why the hell did I have such bad luck with men and did other women have the same problems?

I left the house for the day and night and went back home the next day. I told my husband I did not want to talk about what had happened, it was not to happen in our house again and I would decide where I would go from there, and no there was no us to discuss it,  I could not accept that and would not live with it. I sure hadn’t signed on for this, he had kept it a secret and I was not going to enable him keeping that secret and I would not live with a man who was gay or bi or whatever he considered himself.

In September that year, 1986, I moved into an apartment and had started dating my boss by then.

At Christmas, my soon to be ex bought me a diamond and ruby ring.